These Terrible Twos, man….
They are really kicking in over here – figuratively and LITERALLY.
I know I have mentioned before that I felt like my kids held secret meetings at nighttime and discussed the chaos they would create the next day. But now I am thinking these two-year-olds have secret Zoom meetings or something or maybe they just passively discuss these things in passing at daycare or the park OR maybe they are just born already knowing how to properly throw a tantrum when they hit that two-year mark. Like it’s encrypted in them.
I am convinced there is a guide for toddlers with a break-down of how to throw the perfect tantrum and this is how I think it would look:
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Never be consistent!
I get it our likes and dislikes change over time, but when you tell me you want your sandwich cut diagonally one day and then throw yourself on the floor along with your sandwich the very next day because you prefer squares now…that’s bonkers. Or when you’re obsessed with all things pink for your whole two years of life and so, naturally when I get you all pink stuff for your birthday, you are absolutely appalled because you like green now. Sorry, I forgot I was supposed to just know this stuff.
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Make it public!
You wouldn’t want a good tantrum to go to waste, right? Would it even be considered a tantrum if it didn’t take place in front of complete strangers on the floor of the local gas station because I couldn’t get five KitKats. How does the saying go? If a tree falls in a forest…. Yea, that one!
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Get your timing down!
So basically, this one means to wait until Mommy is already juggling five different things at once and you think her head might actually explode, THEN and only then, do you throw a tantrum. Second option, wait until she’s on the toilet.
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Don’t give up if your first tantrum goes unnoticed!
Sometimes, parents will try this thing where they just ignore you in hopes that you will regulate your emotions on your own and eventually realize you’re acting like a complete jerk for no reason at all. If this happens, just keep it up. Ignore point number 1 where we discussed being inconsistent. Taking turns between being consistent and inconsistent really just means you’re inconsistent, so yea do what works for you.
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If all else fails, just go naked!
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.
P.S. Whatever you decide to throw a tantrum about… don’t stop until you’re not the only one crying.
Happy fit throwing my fellow twos!
(Paige Gurgainers is a mother of three girls, publisher of Bienville Parish Journal and Claiborne Parish Journal and a digital journalist for Webster Parish Journal.)