How many times have you said to yourself, “Man, I wish I would have listened to my parents!” 

I know I have said it more times than I would like to admit. I wish I had listened when they told me not to trade in my perfectly good car for something new (like five times). I wish I had listened when they warned me not to grow up too fast (adulting sucks). I wish I had listened when they told me not to make rushed decisions (still working on that one). But mostly I wish I had listened when they told me to pick my friends wisely.  

I try to tell Emerson this all the time, but it goes through one ear and out the other. And I also say, “One day you will look back and wish you would have listened to me.” But I guess it will finally hit her when she’s in her thirties, like it did me.  

She’s in the fourth grade now and girls in the fourth grade are just plain mean sometimes. She comes home with some piping hot tea almost every day. I mean I am floored about some of the things these kids are doing, saying and posting on the internet for the whole world to see.  

I will say that I feel like sort of an expert when it comes to bullies. I was in the fourth grade, as well, when I started getting bullied. It was actually so bad that I would not even go to recess. I would hide out in my favorite teacher’s classroom and read a book. I did this for almost the whole school year.   

The thing with this is… I was hanging out with a girl who was hanging out with a girl that was not very nice. My mom always gave me a hard time about this, and she would say, “Well if your ‘friend’ is friends with someone like that, then maybe you shouldn’t be hanging out with this so-called friend.” 

I never really understood that until I was an adult, but I get it now. What she was saying was fairly similar to what is said in Proverbs 13:20. 

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” 

This simply means YOU are who you hang out with. Who you are friends with is a direct reflection of the type of person YOU are.  

When I was in fourth grade, seventh grade, a senior in high school, in college or even my early adulthood, I did not realize that some of my friendships and relationships were actively forming my character then and even who I am today.  

But what can we do to encourage our kids to choose their friends wisely? 

I have recently been taking an active part in setting an example. I have been setting an example by cutting out bad relationships. I feel like this is a good way to teach our kids to walk away from things that aren’t serving them in a positive manner. If you are a parent, you know that kids learn most by example. When we foster healthy relationships, whether it be with a spouse, friend, teacher, other parents and our children, they notice.  

We can also just focus on being active and engaged. Every day when I pick up the girls, I ask them to tell me one high and one low of their day and ACTIVELY listen. Being emotionally involved and taking the time to help them navigate the highs and lows shows them not only characteristics of what a good friend is, but also how to be a good friend.  

Discuss attributes of an ideal friend, like loyal, caring, loving, encouraging, truthful, patient and most importantly someone who pushes you to be a better person, not someone who drags you down.  

“Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.” – Thomas Watson

(Paige Gurgainers is a mother of three girls, publisher of Bienville Parish Journal and Claiborne Parish Journal and a digital journalist for Webster Parish Journal.)