Gimme an “E!” for “excitement!”
Go team!
It’s ‘that’ time of year, and the password is “excited!”
We can talk volleyball or soccer, and “certainly there is reason for excitement!” as most any coach would say, about the upcoming prospects on the court and on the pitch.
But the Kingpin of Autumn is football, so …
Pigskin Excitement!
Of all your excitements, the best and most contagious kind has got to be Pigskin Excitement! Optimism is rampant, hyperbole is free and easy.
And so — here we are. With August and the first days of (legal) practice knocking at the door, the only way to get in is to say you’re “excited,” or one of its cousins.
You can be “Eager!” or “Fired up!” or “Stoked!” or “Juiced!” or even, if you are light-headed due to excitement, “in a tizzy!”
It does not matter if you’re a Rhodes Scholar pulling guard or a quarterback with a rocket arm and chicken lo mein for brains, if you are not “EXCITED!” then buddy you’d better GET excited or get your butt OUT of this locker room and OFF this field!
These are exciting times!
But … what about the teams that SAY they’re excited but are NOT excited? What about the teams that are just flat-out depressed? Don’t they deserve some love too?
We’ve been around and can testify: there’s not always a lot of exciting joy in Mudville.
There is what you will read in the newspapers and hear on film clips — “After an inspired offseason, we’re excited about getting on the field and sending these seniors out as champions!” — and there is what you will hear when the depressed coach walks back to the training room and pours his soul out, sweaty hat in hand, to the equipment manager.
“We’re not worth donating to the homeless store. It depresses me to think that State U. is going to come in here in about eight weeks, right about the time we’re 2-5, and beat us like a rented mule.
“And ol’ Frankie Junior, he could be the best tight end in the league but I swear, if he was any dumber, we’d have to water that boy twice a day.
“We tried to put in a new system in the off-season and, Moses and Enoch themselves as my witness, it’s not going to be any better than the OLD system because we have the SAME players! We don’t need a new system; we need new players. Preferably ones with IQ’s higher than their shoe sizes.
“On top of that, our mascot is getting neutered Tuesday. Did you know that? Doesn’t even have a vote. We’ve got more problems than a little bit.
“And jock itch has infected the whole team. I’m telling you I’m so unlucky, I could reach in a barrel of silver dollars and pull out a penny.
“Only thing that can save us now is the NC Double A fining us and putting us on permanent suspension so we don’t have to play, but we’re too poor to have broken any rules. We couldn’t buy the toot off a whistle if they were selling for a nickel a pop. Boy if heartaches were commercials, I’d be all over everybody’s television sets…
“Meanwhile I’m having to tell the press and fans we’re ‘excited!’ Yesterday I even threw out a ‘SUPER-excited!’ Think they bought it?
“You know what excites me? That the season won’t last forever.
“But it’s sure gonna seem that way.”
Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu