It’s getting close

As Andy Williams sang, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” and it’s closing in faster’n a minnow can swim a dipper. Christmas is only one calendar page away and it doesn’t matter whether you call it Merry or a ubiquitous Happy Holiday. Here she comes, like it or not. Your favorite Rocker loves it.

There’s much to love about the Christmas season. One could list a gazillion things that make Christmas special, most important of which is the season’s reason. But in the overall scheme, Christmas is so unique because it stimulates personal reflections that seem to have no “off” button for just long enough, or at least 12 days.

Silly as it seems, one of our favorite Christmas memflections is cards that came in the mail. Around our small town, the big deal was to Scotch tape those we received in our windows, then ride the streets and see which windows were most covered. 

Each card was turned so the “Merry Christmas” message shone streetward. There weren’t many of those Happy Holidays cards floating around. Now a’days, we have a mixture of Merry and Happy, with merry losing ground each year. A fellow cynic said spotting a Merry card is about like finding a “Made in America” tag on any consumer goods.

Perspectively, that might not be such a bad thing. In this day of worry over who is going to invade whom, we U.S.A’uns might be safer than most. After all, we’re probably the biggest consumer of goods from people who hate us, and they don’t want to destroy the goose that lays the golden egg. And what other country would shut down an industry just so we could buy that same product from another somebody who can’t stand us. 

It’s Christmas and it’s time to be happy. Even the folks who don’t particularly like Christmas will soon be happy because ’tis the season to be folly. The perpetually offended aren’t happy unless they’re stomping the merry outta somebody else’s holiday. Watch for the Manticore’s toothprints on some of the following. 

At the top of Christmas targets will be Nativity scenes. Ah, yes…the old church and state separation argument will be brushed off like last year’s treetop ornament. It’s as certain this time of year as pecan fudge and divinity. We might even have to change the name of that treat because of its religious insinuation.

Many communities in the land have already acquiesced and ceased the practice of placing the manger scene on public property. Churches, however, fill that void everywhere except Washington, D.C. There, we understand, the scenes are incomplete due to the inability to find three wise men. A close confidante said the D.C. scenes could be amended by adding a few more animals, specifically asses (wise and dumb). Plentiful supply.

Another target is Christmas parades. In years past, some towns and cities have supplanted these with holiday celebration marches that are closely monitored to be sure no religious-themed floats or banners are allowed. Score several successes for the FFRF (Freedom From Religion Foundation), a group that bares it jolly fangs regularly during the happy season. 

Then there’s the most popular symbol of the season, the Christmas tree. Across the land, that innocent emblem is undergoing a name change. From the White House to the plazas of big cities, we can watch the lighting of the Holiday Tree. A salute to the cultural accomplishments of a snootified nation. 

Many in the country have a problem with the new moniker. The farmer who provided the city of Boston with its HT years ago said he would have run it through a wood chipper if he’d known they’d call it a holiday tree.   

Surely we won’t see any attempts to change our beloved Santa. Don’t be too sure about that. Already, there’re whispers that too many of Santa’s helpers are of European descent. Santa is considered by some an insult to the gravitationally challenged (i.e., overweight). He has been called a home invader for the propensity to crawl down chimneys uninvited. Of course, he’s an animal abuser that forces his reindeer to pull heavy loads over long distances. And don’t get the do-gooders started on his elf workforce.

Hope none of this takes away anticipation of your holiday season. Heck. There’s nothing like Christmas. Enjoy the time of year for its most important goals: peace and goodwill toward men (oops, persons). Ignore the Grinches who would try to steal our joy. The Whos far outnumber those Whatevers.

— Pat Culverhouse


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