This is probably going to come as a great disappointment to some, but we share something in common. At one time or another, we’ve all wished, “Golly gee, Mr. Destiny, I’d love to be young again.”
Had that thought myownself just the other day while sittin’ in the ol’ chair and rockin’ to the rhythm of the falling rain. After some deliberplation, however, what’s left of the brain sent the “Oh, no you don’t” message loudly and clearly.
Why not? Because generational mores of this era have undergone greater morphosis than the larva/furry critter that fattens itself on leaves before cocooning into dormancy and eventually digesting itself into a butterfly. No, Virginia, that does not mean becoming a vegan makes you beautiful.
Consider all we’d be facing if our old Neanderthalic selves were suddenly transformed to youthhood. For grins, let’s become somewhere around 6 years old. We won’t wish to become teenagers. That would mean our brain is somewhere between nonfunctional and nonexistent.
By today’s standards, our 6-year-old self couldn’t play what was once a staple of kid-dom, Cowboys and Indians. Inappropriate and possibly a misdemeanor in some cities. We and friends might participate in Oppressive Animal Herder versus Marginalized Indigenous Peoples, but only if we follow new rules.
First, no toy guns and no pointing fingers with shouts of bang, bang. In lieu of weapons, negotiators are chosen from among the more mature sixes. No imaginary animals (horses) unless accompanied by imaginary methane control devices. Even at age 6, we must learn that animal flatulence is an environmental H-bomb.
We’d also have to be careful when going to the library. If we listen to some of our adult mentors, there’s evil in them there shelves and meeting rooms. Some adults tell us 6-year-olds that we’re wise enough to make decisions on our own, like what’s good reading and what isn’t. It depends mostly on who’s telling what to whom and what the who agenda is for whom.
While we have no problem with individuals expressing opinions on what they see as unacceptable literature, we do have a serious problem with those who demand we see it their way. The “I’m offended and I demand this book be banned” folks ought not force feed their offendedness.
No insinuation intended, but the Henry Jones Sr. quote from “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” might be heeded. According to HJ, “…goose-stepping morons like yourself should try reading books instead of burning them.” Ditto banning same.
Finally, if we’re 6 years old, we’ve already been subjected to three years of de-genderizing and language annulment to the point that we don’t know whether we should scratch our watch or wind our behind. Linguistically, we can only utter the word “male” if it’s spelled “mail” and anything pertaining to the opposite sex has to be properly pronouned. Oops. We said opposite sex. Make that the other of many.
Beginning in pre-pre-kindergarten (around age 3), we’re being taught there’s as many as six recognized sexes and (on the extreme end) from 72 to 112 genders. And we thought it would be a chore once we reached middle school to name all the parishes in our state. Unless it’s multiple choice, this kid will fail Genderizing 101.
No, fellow old-timers, we do not want to be young again. There are just too many new facts of present that do not translate to the “good ol’ days.” Rather than wish to be young, we will spend a few moments remembering. That’s something we can do at our own pace.
Things are always better in memory. We’re faster, stronger, more brilliant, more beautiful. George Bernard Shaw said youth is wasted on the young. Agree. And, we would add that youth is unappreciated and taken for granted by the young.
But a reminder to the young who believe they are the solution to the problems created by their elders comes from David Mamet, a Pulitzer Prize winning author, playwright and filmmaker. “Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance,” he wrote.
Question for today’s young, so-called “influencers” and “identifiers.” What examples are you setting for 6-year-olds? Time will tell. Hope you don’t devour yourselves, and others, while trying to become more than a caterpillar in a butterfly world.
— Pat Culverhouse
