Your favorite curmudgeon took a brief hiatus just to see if the world might spin on a more even keel in absentia. Didn’t work. Hopefully, here’s a coherent thought or two.
At the risk of angering several, Rocker has to mention something that strikes us as just a bit more than humorous. Read that The Donald Trump is encouraging supporters to purchase Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA Bible” at the low, low price of $59.99. Encouraging, students, is a Trumpism meaning do it…now.
Don’t know what prompted the promotion. Didn’t know Mr. Trump knew Lee Greenwood well enough to hook up. Maybe it was by invitation. Who knows. But there it is. Mr. Trump is hawking Bibles.
We certainly do not intend to question Mr. Trump’s religious beliefs. From his own pursed lips, he called the Bible “my favorite book” in a sales promo video, adding that every American needs one in their home. He says he has many on his shelves. It would be nice to know those are facts. It would also be nice to know at least one is dog-eared from use.
We mention this only to ask, well, his motive.
Most of us have read of Mr. Trump’s legal battles and what must be a cash drain. But we similarly hear that despite all these woes, his net worth has taken the billionaire bump, as in, it’s gone way up. So, does he need money or does he need votes. Could be it’s both.
Following the vote getting trail, we’re told the GBUSA Bible has no connections with Mr. Trump’s campaign. Skeptics wince, saying everything Mr. Trump does has something to do with his campaign. That we believe. Mr. Trump’s utterings from the time he wakes until sleep closes The Mouth he’s campaigning. And nicknaming. And selecting the next target.
Dollarswise, sales of the Bible will probably generate sizable figures. Mr. Trump’s faithful followers don’t mind shelling out. Lee “Mr. God Bless the USA” Greenwood’s name definitely won’t hurt sales. One might go so far as to say this is a pairing made in Heaven.
We read disclaimers pointing out the GBUSA Bible is not connected in any way to Mr. Trump through organization, affiliate or venture. There is, however, a tilt of the till tying his licensed NIL (name, image, likeness) to the promotion.
That bastion of journalistic ethic, impartiality and accuracy, The New York Times, claims Mr. Trump will indeed receive royalties from sales of the Bible. We know that report is true because The Gray Lady’s source is the reputable “according to a person familiar…” Along with the Internet, that makes it incontrovertible.
Something to add…while pitching Bibles, Mr. Trump has also pitched himself into the major league of sneakers with his “Never Surrender High-Top Sneaker,” a gilded golden line retailing online for the average Joe retail price of $399 per pair. MAGAs everywhere must be lining up for these things.
Mr. Trump said he’s been talking about doing this for more than a decade. That explains why he allegedly was so interested in Michael Jordon’s feet.
To make his signature footwear typically Trumpy, the shiny sneakers feature an American flag on the back along with a capital “T” on the side. We understand a thousand were offered online and sold out quickly. Look for more. They will be in your favorite store in time for Christmas.
And if that isn’t quite enough, watch your telly vizzions for ads promoting a Trump two-dollar bill. You got it. A twice dollar with the image of Mr. T (the one from his booking photo in Atlanta) smack dab in the middle.
Looking for an investment opportunity equalled only by the original issuance of Edison Electric? Look no further. Here’s the chance to buy a two-dollar greenback with a two-bit pic for a mere $24.95 apiece. That less than a New York City burger and fries. Wow.
Stranger still, there’s a “Certificate of Authenticity” that comes with this masterpiece, ensuring the bill is genuine and that National Collector’s Mint artists have created a “collectible work of art.” And we thought engravers at U.S. Mints were artists theirownselves.
Wouldn’t it be cool if we had more money than Forrest Gump? Wouldn’t it be coolerer if we bought a couple hundred thousand dollars worth of these art treasures and sent them as donations to selected candidates of both parties?
Republicans would most likely sue; Democrats would upchuck; Independents would forward them to the home office.
We’ve spent more time on The Donald than he deserves, but we can’t leave without having at least one or two good words. Mr. Trump may seem, to some of us, a little out of place barking Bibles, sharking shiny shoes and defacing two-dollar bills.
But that’s mere shenanigans when we consider the possibility of seeing Joe Biden as spokesperson for the Nootropics (look it up) industry, or see a new line of truth serum named in his honor.
– Pat Culverhouse