There are a more than few fundamental questions that can be confronted as we ponder our presidential votes in November.
There’s an easy answer.
Golf.
In the first-ever presidential debate between two people who have lived in the White House, Joe Biden and Donald Trump didn’t impress much. Biden, 81, often stumbled and mumbled. Trump, 77, fired off alternative truths at a rate similar to Steph Curry firing up 3-pointers.
One of these senior citizens will lead us forward into the next four years.
Watching President Biden in the debate alarmed many who wonder who is really running the country now, let alone for the next four-year term.
Watching President Trump in the debate alarmed many who wonder what vindictive actions he’d pursue domestically while discounting a NATO alliance and pledging to magically end the Russian invasion of Ukraine before even being sworn in next January.
Near the end of the 90-minute argument, they unwittingly paved a path forward for voters. The cart path.
They got in a spat about their golf games. The same kind of snark you encounter in the 19th hole of any country club or muni.
Trump started it, responding to a question about his ability to serve a term that would carry him to 82 years old.
“I just won two club championships – not even senior, two regular club championships,” he said. “To do that, you have to be quite smart, and you have to be able to hit the ball a long way. And I do it. He (Biden) doesn’t do it. He can’t hit a ball 50 yards.”
Biden fired back: “Look, I’d be happy to have a driving contest with him. I got my handicap, which when I was vice president, down to a six. And by the way, I told you (Trump) before, I’m happy to play golf if you carry your own bag. Think you can do it?”
Neither man has carried his own clubs any time since Watergate. The Donald danced away from that challenge, but immediately questioned Biden’s golf prowess.
“That’s the biggest lie, that he’s a six handicap. I’ve seen his swing. I know your (Biden’s) swing.”
The U.S. Golf Association, which relies on self-reported scores, have Biden listed with a 6.7 handicap last reported in 2018, and Trump at 2.5 in 2021. Neither was in office when filing with the USGA. Trump is obviously the much more avid golfer these days, often pulling away on breaks from his recent trial in New York City to tee it up.
Over 51 million people in America watched last Thursday’s debacle – labeled as a debate. A few days later, despite what we saw and heard, poll numbers haven’t changed very much at all. We were unimpressed.
So let’s go play golf. Donald, Joe. Incumbent has the honors on the first tee. (You decide if “honors” is the right word to use – it is in golf.)
This would save millions of dollars and lots of time. Winner takes the White House. For those who abhor the Electoral College, at least this would be a clear-cut contest between two competitors in a game they favor. Those handicaps? Throw ‘em out. Who believes either one?
It’s stroke play (considering the ages of the contestants, I hesitated using the word “stroke”) over 18 holes. If there’s a tie, instead of extending the misery in a playoff, there’s a putt off, right there on the 18th green.
Site: it has to be a public course. It cannot be a high-end public course like Bethpage Black, Pebble Beach, Bandon Dunes, or Pinehurst No. 2.
Since as 50 Cent reminds anyone who will listen, “All Roads Lead to Shreveport,” let’s flip a coin and say Huntington Park.
Of course, Biden’s going to hook it left, and Trump will have a mean slice and hit to the right.
Bookmakers would rightfully establish Trump and his very active game as the favorite, no matter how dubious his handicap is.
But Monday’s Supreme Court decision ensures four more years for Joe and Jill Biden in the White House.
Sitting presidents now can do no wrong. Biden can use as many mulligans as he sees fit, and not even the USGA can stop him.
Settling this on the links would be much more civilized than what we’re about to witness.
Contact Doug at sbjdoug@gmail.com