Dating when you have kids is… well, let’s just say it’s not like the rom-coms make it out to be. There are not spontaneous late-night dinners or carefree weekend getaways. IF there is any kind of date that makes it from the forever long planning stages at all… but to be honest most of them should stay there and never come to fruition at all.
When you’re a mom, dating also comes with a built-in panel of tiny judges. My kids don’t need a courtroom; they can spot red flags faster than the FBI. They notice if he laughs too loudly, wears too much cologne, or – heaven forbid – eats pizza with a fork. And honestly, I wish I had their radar, because I’ve never had the best dating history (IYKYK)! While they’re pointing out red flags, I’m usually the one saying, “But maybe it’s just a pink flag?” Truth is, I need more than a red flag – I need a flashing stop sign with sirens attached.
The truth is, dating as a parent isn’t just about finding someone you click with -it’s about finding someone who understands that your kids aren’t baggage; they’re the carry-on you’ll never check. They’re along for the ride, and whoever comes into your life has to respect that.
It’s also about balance. You want to model healthy relationships for your kids, but you also don’t want them thinking every guy you grab coffee with is suddenly auditioning for “stepdad of the year.” So, there’s this dance – protecting their hearts while trying to give your own another chance. And it’s not a graceful waltz, either. It’s more like the Cha-Cha Slide at a middle school dance – awkward, out of rhythm, and you’re just hoping nobody’s recording it.
But let’s not ignore the funny side. Like explaining to your preteen why you’re wearing mascara on a Tuesday when you usually look like you just crawled out of a laundry basket. Or the time your kid accidentally swiped left on your dating app while trying to download Roblox. Or how you find yourself Googling, “Is it normal for a man in his 40s to have 27 fish tanks?”
At the end of the day, dating with kids requires patience, boundaries and a sense of humor. It’s messy. It’s complicated. And it’s not just about finding someone you love – it’s about finding someone your kids can feel safe around, too.
Because if there’s one thing motherhood has taught me, it’s that love isn’t just about chemistry or butterflies. It’s about building something real, something steady, something your kids can look at and say, “Yeah, that’s how it should be.”
(Paige Gurgainers is a mom of three girls, digital journalist for Webster Parish Journal.)