The older my girls get, the more I see little pieces of myself in them.
Sometimes it’s sweet and sometimes it’s slightly concerning.
I see it in the way one of them tears up when someone else’s feelings are hurt. I see it when another one tells a joke at exactly the right moment or goes out of her way to make someone laugh. I see it in their determination, their big hearts and their ability to pick themselves up after a hard day.
Those are the things I hope they get from me.
I hope they always have empathy. I hope they are the kind of people who notice when someone is struggling and choose kindness. I hope they laugh loudly, love deeply and know how to find joy in the little things.
I hope they inherit my resilience. Life hasn’t always been easy, and it certainly hasn’t always gone according to plan, but every hard season has taught me that you can survive things you once thought might break you. I want them to know that too!
But then there are the other traits…
The ones that make me pause and think, “Well… maybe not that.”
I don’t want them to inherit my tendency to worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. I can create an entire fictional scenario in my head and stress myself out over it before breakfast.
I don’t want them to feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness. That’s a heavy burden to carry, and one I’m still learning to put down myself. And for the love of all things holy, I hope they don’t inherit my inability to keep up with literally anything.
I lose my phone at least twice a day. I have purchased enough water bottles to hydrate a small village, yet somehow can never find one when I’m thirsty. I put things in “safe places” that are apparently so safe, I never see them again.
Just last week I spent ten minutes looking for my sunglasses only to realize they were on top of my head. That’s the kind of behavior I hope ends with me.
Motherhood has a funny way of putting a mirror in front of you.
It’s equal parts heartwarming and humbling.
(Paige Gurgainers is a mother of three girls, and a digital journalist for Webster Parish Journal.)