Moving has reminded me of many things I am capable of doing… and introduced me to a few abilities I did not know I had.
Over the past several weeks, I have assembled furniture, hung things on walls, used tools I had not touched in years and stared down instruction manuals that appeared to have been written entirely in hieroglyphics. There have been missing screws, backward pieces and more than a few moments when I seriously questioned my life choices.
But eventually, the furniture stood upright.
Even better, my daughters have been right beside me for much of it. They have helped sort hardware, hold boards in place, tighten screws and figure out which piece goes where. Watching them work has reminded me why shop was my favorite class in high school and why I believe more young girls should be encouraged to take it.
When people think about the classes that prepare girls for adulthood, shop class may not be the first one that comes to mind, but maybe it should be.
Shop taught me how to use tools, follow a plan, measure carefully and solve problems when something did not work the first time. It also taught me that I did not have to wait for someone else to come along and do things for me.
Those lessons stayed with me far beyond the classroom.
I am fiercely independent (sometimes to my own detriment, if I am being completely honest!) Some of that independence came from the confidence I gained through experiences like shop class. Some of it came from circumstances in my life that taught me not to depend too heavily on anyone else.
My past trauma deserves some credit for that.
There is a difference, however, between believing you cannot depend on anyone and knowing you do not have to depend on someone for every little thing. I am still learning that difference.
I have a good man who loves helping with things around our home. He is hardworking, supportive and not remotely concerned with outdated ideas about “men’s work” and “women’s work.” After working a 12-hour shift, he would still come home and help if I needed him, but I am sure he also appreciates walking through the door and discovering that the furniture has already been assembled.
Independence does not mean refusing help or trying to prove that you do not need anyone. It means knowing you are capable while also being secure enough to accept help when it is offered. It means choosing partnership instead of depending on someone because you believe you have no other option.
That is what I want my daughters to understand!!!
I want them to know how to hang a picture, assemble a bookshelf and use basic tools safely. I want them to be able to change a tire, check the oil and troubleshoot a problem before immediately calling someone else. I want them to understand that a drill belongs in their hands just as naturally as it belongs in anyone else’s.
More importantly, I want them to experience the feeling that comes from standing back, looking at something they built and saying, “I did that.”
That kind of confidence reaches far beyond furniture.
A girl who learns she can solve a practical problem begins to believe she can solve other problems, too. She becomes less intimidated by unfamiliar tasks. She learns that making a mistake does not mean she is incapable… it simply means she needs to try again, reread the directions or turn the board around because she installed it backward.
Those are useful lessons for building furniture, careers, relationships and entire lives.
I do not know whether any of my daughters will ever love shop class as much as I did. They may never want to build anything more complicated than a nightstand from a box. That is perfectly fine.
The goal is not to turn every girl into a carpenter. The goal is to raise girls who are not afraid to pick up the tools.
So, mothers, encourage your daughters to take shop if their school offers it. Let them help when you assemble furniture, fix something around the house or tackle a project. Give them age-appropriate tools and show them how to use them safely. Resist the urge to take over when they struggle.
Let them struggle a little. Let them figure it out. Let them experience the satisfaction of finishing something with their own two hands. Teach them that accepting help is healthy, but helplessness should never be expected of them simply because they are girls.
One day, they may have loving partners who are happy to help them. I hope they do, but I also hope they know that if no one else is available…and the bookshelf still needs to be built, they are fully capable of opening the box, picking up the drill and getting it done themselves!
(Paige Gurgainers is a mom of three girls, digital journalist for Webster Parish Journal.)