There are a lot of things I do with my girls together. We go places together, eat together and navigate the everyday business of being a family together. With three daughters, there is usually more than one person who needs something, wants to tell me something or has an opinion about what we should do next.
I love our time together. But this week being fall break, I also got to spend time with each of them individually, and I was reminded how much I enjoy knowing them one at a time.
Emerson and I had all the homecoming things to do. We went to get her nails done, I did her makeup, and we took pictures with her friends. I got to focus on her and enjoy all the girly things that came with the occasion.
Homecoming gave us plenty to do, but the part I appreciated most was getting to be involved. At her age, so much of life is beginning to belong to her: her friends, her plans, her experiences. I loved having a place in the preparations, helping her get ready and sharing in something she was excited about.
It was one of those times when I could enjoy the girl she is now while noticing how quickly she is growing up.
My time with Ashton looked completely different. We went squishy shopping, painted and had a slumber party with her cousin, Rylee. If homecoming was Emerson’s world for the week, this was very much Ashton’s.
I got to make room for the things she wanted to do. Shopping for squishies may not be on my personal list of necessities, but spending time looking at them with Ashton was a good reminder that I don’t have to share every interest to enjoy sharing hers. Then we got to paint, and the slumber party gave us time with Rylee, too.
There is something sweet about letting one child help set the pace. In a family, we do a lot of compromising. Somebody chooses the movie, somebody else chooses the snack, and sometimes everybody settles for whatever fits the schedule. I liked having time when Ashton’s interests could lead us.
With Kam, I took her to dance, we baked homemade cookies and watched a Halloween movie. We also played Barbies.
Her time with me still includes an invitation to play, and I want to keep accepting it. I know from watching her sisters grow that these stages don’t last forever. There will come a day when playing Barbies with Mama isn’t what she wants to do, but right now it is. This week, I got to sit down and be part of that little world with her.
Dance, cookies and a Halloween movie made for a pretty good combination, too. Nothing about it needed to be elaborate. We had things to do together, and I had a chance to pay attention to what she enjoys.
Looking back over the week, I realized how different these moments were. Nails and makeup. Squishies and paint. Cookies and Barbies. Each girl had her own version of time with Mama, and I enjoyed every one of them.
I don’t always manage to make that space. Some weeks, we are doing well just to get everyone where they need to be. Individual time can be hard to fit between work, school and everything else that fills a household. I don’t want to turn a good week into another impossible standard for myself or any other mother.
But I do want to remember what made this week feel good. I had opportunities to focus on each daughter, follow her interests and enjoy her company. Some of that time came through things already on the calendar. Some came from sitting down to paint or play.
I spend so much time trying to keep up with what my girls need that it was good to spend time simply enjoying who they are.
This week, I got to do that three different ways.
(Paige Gurgainers is a mom of three girls, digital journalist for Webster Parish Journal.)