Late one ordinary Tuesday afternoon in 523 B.C., Ugh Jones walked into his home after finishing his shift on the increasingly popular Wheel Ride at One Flag over Mesopotamia and, for no real reason at all, opened a drawer in his kitchen and flicked a paper clip in there.

Later that evening Ugh’s wife, Hilda Flatfoot-Jones, hung some pictures and then, for no rea reason at all, took the mini hammer and put it in the same drawer in the kitchen where Ugh had flicked the paper clip.

And in a nutshell, that’s how it started. That scenario centuries ago, harmless and innocent, led to The Drawer In The Kitchen becoming the melting pot of the American home.

You’re in the attic and need a flashlight.

You go to The Drawer In The Kitchen.

You’re making the grocery list and need an ink pen.

You go to The Drawer In The Kitchen.

You’re at your laptop and need some Scotch tape, a pencil, some batteries.

You go to The Drawer In The Kitchen.

Normally, flathead screwdrivers and old grocery lists make strange bedfellows. But the American home has evolved in such a way that these items, along with old birthday-party photographs, new shoestrings, picture-hanging hooks, extension cords, and note pads wind up in the same drawer.

Husband, yelling from den: “HONEY, DO WE HAVE SOME MORE BATTERIES FOR THE REMOTE CONTROL?”

Wife, yelling from bathroom, where she is being held hostage by mascara and a curling iron: “LOOK IN THE DRAWER IN THE KITCHEN!”

Sometimes, The Drawer is right by the drawer with the forks and spoons and knives. Other times, it’s close to where the microwave sits. It might be Where The Landline Used To Be, which made it easy to find a pen and scratch paper for taking messages, back when that was A Thing.

Phones on walls are in history’s dustbin, and no one takes messages anymore because everyone has a phone and receives text messages, eliminating the middle man.

But one thing remains: The Kitchen Drawer. It might be different places, but it is almost always, almost ALWAYS, in the kitchen. This is unexplainable, like some people’s love for Brussels sprouts or reality television.

When you ask someone in your family where the thumbtacks are, instead of saying, “They’re probably in The Drawer In The Kitchen,” they are just as likely to say, “They’re probably in The Drawer,” and you instinctively know which drawer they’re talking about.

It’s as if there is a big Stuff-Attracting Magnet in that drawer that simply pulls odds-and-ends throughout the house and into it.

I needed some glue this week, so I went to The Drawer. I found two pair of scissors, Vaseline, various coupons, some picture negatives, a wooden nickel, a plastic pig, a 2014 magnet calendar, three pair of sunglasses, a package of Toy Story tissue paper, a small but entire wall clock, a ruler, a domino, straight pins, nails, a Happy Meal toy, two baseballs, some cookie cutters, a piece of rope, several greeting cards, a green Starburst, lip gloss, a Magic Marker, instructions for both the microwave and the icebox, thread, an oatmeal cookie, a wrench, an empty ring box, some sort of toilet implement, and more than $3 in change.

In other words, I found everything but a cure for the common cold and the Holy Grail …

And the glue.

Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu